Phrases

[turpieaj]

As much use as a choclate fireguard
Sweating like a vagina in a microwave

 

[Jiglo]

Working with a guy at the moment who was originally from Kent/London area. He loves making a pig squealing sound every time a girl he isn't too keen on walks past him so I sometimes say in my best Cockanese accent "You can take the boy out of Kent, but you can't take the cant out of the boy"

One of my work mates he usually says "Look at the headlamps on that!" when a big breasted woman walks past lol

 

[Elev8/Levit8]

i also like "hung like a shetland rabbit" but nobody else seems to find it funny :$

 

[turpieaj]

smells like a whores handbag to me

 

[Elev8/Levit8]

Gotta pay homage to one of me mates with our own little expression "Glen".
Top fella but he drives like a total cnut.
Hence any phrase or sentence about cars or driving is re-worded in his honour. Some examples...

drop the glen - to suddenly engage final drive when pulling away
spinning the glens - an act of coolness which never fails to impress the ladies, particularly when pulling away from the lights
flashing the glens - another lady-pulling automotive technique particularly effective at night
two new glens on the front - an act of maintenance often required as a result of too much "spinning the glens"
lift-off overglen - a phenomenon observable when someone is driving like a tool.
front-end glen - another arsehole driving phenomenon particularly seen in mid or rear engined motors driven at excessive speed
glenning it - spirited driving
etc.

 

[Shooms]

i also like "hung like a shetland rabbit" but nobody else seems to find it funny :$

normally the women you show it to ?

 

[Shooms]

Gotta pay homage to one of me mates with our own little expression "Glen".
Top fella but he drives like a total cnut.
Hence any phrase or sentence about cars or driving is re-worded in his honour. Some examples...

drop the glen - to suddenly engage final drive when pulling away
spinning the glens - an act of coolness which never fails to impress the ladies, particularly when pulling away from the lights
flashing the glens - another lady-pulling automotive technique particularly effective at night
two new glens on the front - an act of maintenance often required as a result of too much "spinning the glens"
lift-off overglen - a phenomenon observable when someone is driving like a tool.
front-end glen - another arsehole driving phenomenon particularly seen in mid or rear engined motors driven at excessive speed
glenning it - spirited driving
etc.

fuckin top drawer

 

[Elev8/Levit8]

normally the women you show it to ?

actually you're right... they always piss themselves...

 

[chris17]

i've just thought of a few more that i find amusing and not to offensive

"your as much use as tits on a fish"
"your as much use as a ashtray on a motorbike
"up and down like a whores nighty"