Advice Needed

[very puddled]

well just been cleaning my fellas daughters room and found a bag of the white stuff and i dont know what to do .....

ive hid it for the moment and ive not told fella as he will go ape

so shes home from work at 7pm and should i confront her or just put it back where i found it :S

any advice as im baffled as what to do :S

shes 18 next week so cant go radge at her and she knows i rave alot so i cant be a hypocrite really can i , or can i

we are very close too , so i cant understand why she not told me as she tells me everything else ....

 

[MANC]

keep it.

Have a word with her, tell her to be more careful where she hides her gear. its not the end of the world. bet she'll realise its a mugs game in no time

 

[bucky]

I can't believe you're having to ask the question! Get on the bingo later and play dumb - not like she's going to ask you whether you've found it

Seriously - maybe mention it to be on the safe side and all that jazz.

Hope it all works out.

 

[amymars]

ohhhhh dear. Well, I know what would happen to me lol

I think its quite bad! She might be dealing and things

 

[very puddled]

why did i clean her room , id be none the wiser now wouldnt i

i might put it back then keep giving suttle hints about how it can eventually control u .... you know the drug talk i got when i was a kid, but worse.

im a bit disappointed in her to be honest as she knows the score , she has been getting moody to for couple of weeks , now i know why dont i , but where do you draw the line with kids eh , im like her mum , ive brought her up for the last 4/5 years , this is a hard one for me .

it would be easier if she didnt know that i have the littlefellas

 

[Jiglo]

She's practically old enough to smoke, drink, have sex, vote, well pretty much do anything legal and at (almost) 18 she's probably clued up on the stuff too.

I think in that situ i'd ignore it and keep the friendship and what trust you have going, rather than risking jeapordising everything between you both and possibly putting a strain on your relationship for something she's likely to carry on doing anyway.

She's obviously discovered a cool lifestyle and she's gonna roll with that until she moves onto something else, much like everybody else does and i'd be more worried as a parent about excessive drinking and shagging about than something that doesn't really alter the state of mind that much, it mainly alters the finances and maybe gives you that edge mentally but it's overpriced for what it is :S

Tough one I suppose and couldn't say for sure unless I was in the same situation:S

 

[amymars]

She's practically old enough to smoke, drink, have sex, vote, well pretty much do anything legal and at (almost) 18 she's probably clued up on the stuff too.

I think in that situ i'd ignore it and keep the friendship and what trust you have going, rather than risking jeapordising everything between you both and possibly putting a strain on your relationship for something she's likely to carry on doing anyway.

She's obviously discovered a cool lifestyle and she's gonna roll with that until she moves onto something else, much like everybody else does and i'd be more worried as a parent about excessive drinking and shagging about than something that doesn't really alter the state of mind that much, it mainly alters the finances and maybe gives you that edge mentally but it's overpriced for what it is :S

Tough one I suppose and couldn't say for sure unless I was in the same situation:S

thats all very well....but the outside world and police don't see it like that!!!
Unfortunatley....and Im not a parent so Im not preaching, I think the implications need to be hammered home.

 

[very puddled]

ive put it back where i found it.. :S

we are very close so hopefully she will come and talk to me as she has asked about all other drugs upto now and i have told her straight, what not to do etc ..... she knows i have dabled , so ill have to wait and see..

the problem is that she is nearly 18 ,so old enough to do what she wants

i know what i was like [ little fellas at raves ] and upto before i was pregnant i was doing them at my old skool nights . thats the trouble she has seen me in some states over the years ... she said that she wouldnt have them as she seen me on them :$ , its not a good look apparently :S

i suppose she will have to make her own choices and she will pick the right ones :S

maybe ive done wrong as ive treated her as an adult and not a kid

plus we used to run a pub , so she has seen it all first hand , and she has seen the nasty side of drugs , i am hoping its a one off ....

ill keep you all informed on what happens next and thanks for advice. x

 

[li'l Sonz]

ohhhhh dear. Well, I know what would happen to me lol

I think its quite bad! She might be dealing and things

Finding one bag does not mean that she is necessarily dealing!
Anyways, I would have told her the truth. Maybe take her to one side and say "I was tidying your room before and I found this, I just wanted to let you know that I'm disappointed and I've had thought you'd have known better......" etc. I'm only 19 and speaking from experience, I'm glad my mother took that route with me. She just said, "you are aware of how dangerous it is so youo don't need telling, just think about what you're doing"
To be honest, I don't think she will think you were rooting, you were cleanin her room, if she really didn't want anyone to find anything, I suggest she not bring stuff like that into your house.
x

 

[very puddled]

agree with you sonz , she shouldnt have brought it in the house i think thats what has pissed me off too ....

i know shes not dealing, its just a bag if the stuff , not a block , defo just personal use ....

and it wasnt like she has hid it, its on top of her drawers near her make up , so she is lucky i found it and not her dad , other wise she would have been in trouble , he would have threw her out i think ......

im sort of chilled on the subject as like i have said i do little uns so i cant really be a hypocrite can i ......

been sat here thinking and i think i will have to say something to her , but as a friend , tell her to be careful and stuff , the downside of it etc , not preach to her just have a discussion with her as such...

 

[biggz]

fuckin hell what 2 do. it depends on how much is in the bag. if its a big bag you should tell her dad but if its a little 20 bag put it back & say fuck all. but i'l tell you 1 thing. if i was him & i found out that you knew it would defo cast a big shadow of dout over our relashionship. this is what you need 2 think about. put your self in his shoes. good luck.

 

[just_jj]

If you talk to her youll have to tell her dad, if it comes out in the future that you knew and didnt tell him then theres a good chance your relationship will not last.

I wouldnt ignore it though, I'd confront it head on. Everyone gets busted at some stage and its better to know what they are doing and how much than brush it under the carpet. If it was my daughter and my partner found out I would hope she would inform me rather than say nothing. As a parent I'd have the right too know.

If her dad found it then it wouldnt back lash on you would it ?

 

[very puddled]

well i done it ... its all out in the open

i have told my fella wat i have found and he has asked me to deal with it as im better with these things than him , he would just batter her as i talk about things and not get stressed with her.

there have been few tears on her part and the " its not mine" told her im not stupid and do know she has been taking drugs and in the future she can come to me about anything and not to hide the fact . also scared her a bit about the down falls of drugs and all that ...

i cant go mad at her as we have all tried things its part of growing up , she has to learn herself and if we go mad she will do it all the more.

all said and done she has tried it and eventually she come clean and told me she left it as it hurt her nose and she didnt like it [ thank fook for that] told her its not just coke its wat they mix it with that can harm you too....

then she proceeded to tell me she has tried the fellas too:S :S :S :S

she said she will stick to the ganj , but i have that so i cant be a hypocrite ..

i have also told her i will be checking her eyes everytime she comes in from nite out , what else can i do ..

to be honest i could do with out this im ready to drop , and told her that too

 

[nowthen]

well just been cleaning my fellas daughters room and found a bag of the white stuff and i dont know what to do .....

..send it me!

Seriously tho, I'd pull her an just give her the facts without preaching.

forwarned is forearmed an all that.

Good luck.

 

[amymars]

Finding one bag does not mean that she is necessarily dealing!

x

thats why I used the word 'might'

 

[blue jammer]

I'd have taken that shit off her and given her better drugs instead












j/k hope its all sorted like

 

[very puddled]

well thankfully all sorted she has apologized to us both and said it wont happen again
[i know it will , thats kids for ya , it will be something else next weekend ]

but it got me thinking whats going to be around when my baby grows up ,

when i was a kid it was just the weed and billy that was about and now look theres loads of different drugs , i dont want her to be born now i wish she could stay in my tummy for ever at least she is safe in there

my god i am scared to death of what will be around in 18 years time , im hyperventilating & everything here

 

[amymars]

well thankfully all sorted she has apologized to us both and said it wont happen again
[i know it will , thats kids for ya , it will be something else next weekend ]

but it got me thinking whats going to be around when my baby grows up ,

when i was a kid it was just the weed and billy that was about and now look theres loads of different drugs , i dont want her to be born now i wish she could stay in my tummy for ever at least she is safe in there

my god i am scared to death of what will be around in 18 years time , im hyperventilating & everything here

don't feel like that, there is no point. The world is a shit place, and all you can do is educate and set a good example. Take it easy and relax

 

[Marc Mackender]

hard one that, id probably tell u no, and just advise her on being carefull, we all done stuff in the past, or most of us ave should i say, u aint gonna stop her doing wot shes doing, just tell her to play safe....

 

[T.C]

Finding one bag does not mean that she is necessarily dealing!
Anyways, I would have told her the truth. Maybe take her to one side and say "I was tidying your room before and I found this, I just wanted to let you know that I'm disappointed and I've had thought you'd have known better......" etc. I'm only 19 and speaking from experience, I'm glad my mother took that route with me. She just said, "you are aware of how dangerous it is so youo don't need telling, just think about what you're doing"
To be honest, I don't think she will think you were rooting, you were cleanin her room, if she really didn't want anyone to find anything, I suggest she not bring stuff like that into your house.
x

well said Sonz, saved me a bit of typing too, lol

I know its done n dusted now but my take on it would have been:

have a quiet word. just to say what youve found, and while you feel you cant be a hypocrite as youve done similar in the past, (lol had a flashback of my mum saying then "do as I say, not as I do" not about drug use, just in general i might add. One of the good old parentisms along with "because I said so" )
alos, she's almost an adult anyway but that doesnt mean you have to keep quiet about it being brought into your house, you have a right to get the hump about that if you want , imo. Not only is it illegal substances in your home, what if your baby was a little older, toddling.. and found what she leaves around the house :S
As for the using aspect of it..You could just try to offer her advice , doesnt need to be in an authoritarian way. I know you probs worry as your not hear real mum but thats what I mean, speak to her as a friend / adult to adult, not like a chastised kid and you'd maybe find she'd have more respect that you've done that and in a strange sort of way bring you closer.
oh and my other thought was... if she's 17 tell her she knows where the hoover is next time her room needs cleaning ... and even more excuse not to be tidying up in there and find anything and be in the predicament again, plus it gets you less housework too... winner!

Lets face it, you could have gone ballistic and completely bawled her out, or even called the Old Bill if you'd wanted to so I think a quiet word would be far more preferable

Crap situation to have been in though, glad you got it sorted