Dave, we are finished.
The time has come for us to go our seperate ways.
Far too long have you been taking me for granted, using me every weekend.
Im tired of you coming home drunk at the early hours and just kickin me out of bed and leaving me crumpled in a corner. The other night was the last straw!!
Staggering down that back alley at god knows what time, pulling me down and getting piss all over me was too much to take. Then to top it off, you left me there in a puddle of piss and wandered off into the night. Anything could have happened to me
Fortunately Lucy and Suzy found me ( the girls in the picture) and took me home. Since then they have washed me, took care of me and generally looked after me far better than you have ever done. As you can see from the photo, they are fighting over me, the sort of attention I think I deserved and that you never game me
This is the last time you will hear from me as me and the girls are off abroad, they are taking me to their next topless calendar photo shoot in malibu.
Finally, I would like to thank Bod for letting me log into his account to leave you this message, but dont blame him or try and get any information from him, he knows nothing!
Goodbye forever,
Daves Pants